So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
