i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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