what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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