there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
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