so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
as a side note pls kill me
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
