I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
