She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
