I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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