I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
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We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
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I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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