So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
