You don't have asthma, your pregnant
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm getting married
To pizza
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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