so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
