my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
