That reminds me...we need to get swords
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
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Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
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30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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