Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
