Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Randomize