What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
