Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
