Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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