no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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