proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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