In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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