He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
