I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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