I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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