So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
