I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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