Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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