what if every blade of grass was a penis?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
