Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
