K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
