Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
