I hate your face
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
