Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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