Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
