Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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