her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
