please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
