Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
