I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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