sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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