Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
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