dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
3 2 1 whiskey
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
