I need help removing her.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize