He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
