ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
