apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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