Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
