Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
