He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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