It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
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If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
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We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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