I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
