the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
