Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Randomize
