I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
