still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I stole a fireplace last night.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
