I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
