nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
