just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
