My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
