You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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