I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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