I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
