is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
