Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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