i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I think I sprained my soul last night
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
