Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize