Barsexuality is the new black.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
