It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
