you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
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That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
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I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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