You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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