do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
