Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If I die, sorry about rent.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
