I never want to see another naked old woman again.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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