He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
