she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
