he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
