PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
