Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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