i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
