marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You smell like stripper and shame
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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