If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
this beer tastes like vomit already
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
